Residential Christmas decorating services exist. Should you use them?

Oct 18, 2024

I’m always saying things like “You learn something new every day,” even though, come on, do you really?

Did you learn something new yesterday?

Did you learn something new the day before that?

I didn’t. But I did learn something new the Friday before last.

My cousin Caroline was flying to North Carolina, so I sent her a text.

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“Are you at the airport yet?”

Seconds later, my phone rang. “Not yet. I’m just heading out to pay my Christmas decoration guy. You have to reserve dates now.”

“OK,” I replied. “I just wanted …”

After a pause, I asked, “What’s a Christmas decoration guy?”

“The guy who puts up my lights,” she said. “You don’t think I let my kids climb up there, do you?”

Imagining this triggered a flashback.

I was at my old friend Eddie’s house the weekend after Thanksgiving. I was 18. Eddie was 19 and was climbing a ladder to the roof of his parents’ split-level home on Long Island, with strings of lights wrapped around his shoulder.

“You’re not really going up there,” I whispered. “Are you?”

“It’s OK,” he said, nervously. “I think.”

Eddie eventually made it to the roof, inched across it, shakily, and then screamed down to his father, “Aren’t you going to be ashamed to tell people how your son died?”

As it turned out, Eddie didn’t die. He wasn’t happy, though.

At my own house, my parents had strung some lights around the perimeter of the picture window in our living room and taped a banner that said “Merry Christmas” onto the glass.

The end.

There were no ladders involved. No children tap dancing across the roof.

Had my father ordered me or my brother to get up on the roof, my mother would have chased him around the yard with a frying pan.

In those days, there were no people willing to do this sort of thing for you.

But there are people like this now?

A few friends told me “Sure! For years now!”

Others, like me, had no idea.

The whole thing made me wonder: Do Americans do anything for themselves anymore?

I was going to ask the man who mows my lawn, to ask the woman who does his laundry, to ask the kid who rakes her leaves if he knew about this. But then I just went online. Myself.

(I was going to ask the young woman who goes online for me to do this, but she was with Eunnie, the lady who does her nails, after having lunch with her personal shopper, Marcel.)

The first company I found in Bergen County, Christmas Lights by Amco, promised to make your lights in Hackensack look “casual yet trendy.” And take your city view into consideration if you live in Fort Lee. And “complement the bustling, romantic charm of Main Street” if you’re in Englewood.

An hour or so after Caroline and I spoke, she texted me her Holiday Lighting Proposal, which included 80 feet of lights, a giant wreath, a giant bow, hardware, extension cords, etc., etc. The price to install these decorations, take them down and store them for the year: $900.

The first year I moved into my present house, I bought a Christmas wreath for the front door. It cost $25 and I hung it on a nail, all by myself. Otherwise: no twinkle lights, silver bells or inflatable snowmen.

I thought my place looked tasteful. A friend said it looked like Anthony Perkins’ house in “Psycho.”

Another friend in Brooklyn told me he took the easy route and just put lights around his railing. The first night, kids stole some of the lights as a prank. The second night, more were taken. He eventually put out a sign that said, “Keep Christ in Christmas, Don’t Steal the Lights.”

The next day, the sign was gone.